So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
pray to the hookup gods
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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