Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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