i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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