Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
