Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's great music for shaving your balls
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
