i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
