JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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