Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
