Do you still have your period?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
