I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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