There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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