i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had sex on a dog bed..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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