so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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