im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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