Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is it penis luge time yet?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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