Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
