I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
