Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
