what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
