so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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