you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
