I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
