i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize