I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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