Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
