do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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