come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
babies were throwing up all over the place
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
