Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
