saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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