you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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