Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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