You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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