Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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