If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
