his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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