You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
