dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
