if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
