3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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