im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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