My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
