Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
