I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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