I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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