Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
