when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
