I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
