Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
