I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
