May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
