I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
