sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You pole danced in your parka.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
