don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
