I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
