from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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