You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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