haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
