Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
