I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
