dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
