Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
