when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
