shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
