yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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