Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
