i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
